Tend The Fire

This page is not about face masks and quiet mornings. It is about what happened when I lost myself completely and what it actually took to find my way back.

I woke up angry. Went to bed angry. Had no idea why.

For a long time I thought it was everyone else. My husband. The kids. The system. The caseworkers. The endless appointments. I was angry out loud, my throat hurting after. And angry underneath everything, simmering in a way I couldn't explain.

Doctors wanted antidepressants. I refused at first, convinced something else was wrong. Eventually I gave in. A year later, coming off them was hell, especially while going through menopause nobody had prepared me for. Hormone replacement on top of everything else.

At one point I hated everyone. Including myself.

I didn't recognize the woman I'd become.

It happened so slowly I missed it entirely. Years of pouring myself out for foster care, a family, a system, with nothing left for me. No local friends. No space. Just anger building year by year.

Real burnout isn't a buzzword. It's your body breaking, your relationships cracking, and your mirror showing a stranger.

What actually helped

A damn good Therapist. Five years of showing up to a place I could speak without performing. Not crisis management. Week after week honesty.

One honest conversation. Finding someone who could hold the real story without flinching.

Reiki. First heard of it in 2023. First time my nervous system remembered calm. That became Mystic Moon Healing.

The ocean. A solo beach trip when I was at my lowest. Something softened that nothing else reached.

Naming it. Not "stressed." "I lost myself. I've been angry for years. I need help."

Rest as a right, not a reward. Unlearning that I had to earn the ability to stop.

Self-care wasn't something I added. It was learning I was worth caring for.